The writings on the wall

This is exactly what happens when you over think things, you miss the deadline! 

I admit, I have failed to deliver on my promise to write one post every day of my 21 day gratitude quest. I got lazy and fell off the wagon. 

But, better late than never! 

It's been almost 2 years since I first went to 'The Yoga Institute', an institution that has been run by one family of yogis for almost 90 years. That's a lot of yoga and philosophy! 

Sakshi took me there when she had first decided to pursue a teachers training course. Situated so close to the Mumbai domestic airport, that taking a walk in its garden you could count the screws holding a planes wings together (ok, I'm exaggerating, but it is close enough to hear the roar every time it takes off or lands).  It had a little old world charm to it. A structure reminiscent of the early 80's, a walking path circling the complex, trees and plants carefully planted for shade. And, trust me, it's not a very big place by any standards, big enough yes, but a plot not bigger than an Olympic size pool (couldn't think of anything else for comparison). Anyhow, it came into my life when I had been out of work for some time. 

Bitterness, anger, self pity had creeped in on me, reflecting on everything in my life. I would see someone succeed and I would wonder, why not me?? I'm not a bad guy! Or am I? 

I was very open to the place when it came to Sakshi doing a course there, but a mere suggestion that maybe I should come there too and do a short term course myself, I was rigid! 

The place with its daily positive messages written on the boards carefully placed at the entrance and walking path, teachers who looked so calm and serene as though they were all buddhas, the greenery, the quietude... Everything seemed to be an overdose of sugar to me. I'd always give Sakshi an excuse, 'I have meetings, auditions..' Some times I'd just change the topic...

But, deep down I knew I needed a change in perspective sooner than later or else I would be facing a breakdown pretty soon. My first choice was to run away and travel all by myself. Sakshi knew, that wouldn't help... She insisted one last time, that I give the institute a shot... (By the way, her insistence was more of an ultimatum, no grown man likes to get his ass whooped by the missus;) ) so I relented.

I was there for one whole month. To be honest, the one month course was nothing to write home about, it mostly had bored housewives and a couple of disgruntled South American couple who felt they are not really learning any asanas... I initially would scoff at the lack of depth in my course as opposed to the longer and intensive course my wife was doing there. 

But, the days passed and I saw why I was there. My attitude didn't change overnight. But, the institute started opening me up. We might not have practiced yoga physically enough, but I understood from the teachers who taught us there, the importance of the yoga that we need to do within. 

When I sat in the class for the first time, no matter how humble I was pretending to be, I looked down upon the idea of being in a class full of housewives... I felt I probably belonged to a more yuppy crowd. But, that changed, no one really cared if I was an actor or not a housewife ;) (or maybe were really just good actors pretending to not care who I was! I'd rather believe this). I don't know if they did, but I had stereotyped all of them in my head. In my head it was going to be one long month. 

Like all things, these notions slowly broke. We talked of our fears, we gave the wrong answers to the most obvious questions, I most definitely stammered during public speaking...  I was the same as the rest. I swear, I felt normal for the first time in years. 

Realizing that no matter where you come from, how different your situations and problems might be, your feelings and reactions are the same as the other person sitting next to you. What a lesson that was!

Then came the time to stretch those legs, touch the toes and another reality struck. The stiffness I saw in my body was a reflection of the stiffness in my mind. The only thing they would tell us is, don't push yourself, your lack of flexibility and the want of it is not a battle, it is an opportunity to know yourself, embrace your present and stay in that moment. I didn't understand that in one go, it takes time... But I did (every day is not the same though, one has to keep at it), to a certain level at the institute. And, just when you give yourself a break you realize you've managed to bend/stretch just a little more. I learnt to be kind to myself, because, when you do that, your body rewards you. 

When, I started going with the flow, I became more open to the surroundings, the teachers seemed less like I had imagined them to be and I could see their compassion, when I understood that and practiced it out in the world, I could receive so much more love from people whom I had closed myself completely. 

I could read (actually see them for what they were) the messages on the boards, and on our numerous lunch break walks together I and Sakshi would read them together and discuss them, and I swear it always seemed as though they were written for me, for her. That's the beauty of it all, there are so many messages written along the path in our lives, which we don't see... All I had to do was open my eyes.

The institute opened my eyes in more ways than one, it taught me to be accepting, it gave me an introduction to a wonderful tool to connect back to my body, yoga! More importantly it got me and Sakshi on the same page. It paved a path for me, that I now just love walking on.

And the best thing is, the messages that I and Sakshi now try and write almost every day (cos there are still some sedentary days when the message board is blank, thanks to our boys routine) on our wall... But then just sometimes I draw doodles too ;). The key is to just have fun and smile along the way. And, for a lot of this...

I am grateful for the yoga institute. May all who go there benefit from it, like I did.