'IF', a word so careless,
in the minds of the hopeless.
We are all hopeless, if not all then some of the (most crucial even) times. A point in our lives when we wonder whether we have a choice left, whether, there is anything that we could have done differently, to avoid the little miserable musings that we land ourselves in.
What is it, about being hopeless, that makes us look for hope in a little word like, 'IF'.
This hopeful two letter word takes us away, even if it is for a little while, to another world, another scenario where everything, just fell right. Where we go through the wrong thing the right way. Ah, 'IF' only!
But, the reality of our being is that we must go through certain "Sophie's choices".
When a choice it is you must make,
remember, the road you have to take.
More often than not, and it has happened to me so many times, I have had to make choices, out of the sheer pressure of making them. This musing is exactly about that. About making a choice, The 'right' choice.
One such choice was, whether I take the 'leap', quite literally, for my show, do dil ek jaan.
In an industry where, image seems everything. The big question laid out in front of me was, whether I am ready to play a father to a twenty year old? Now, this was a show, that started revolving around me, from the moment I entered. I was the antagonist, I was driving the story of the protagonists. If my evil wasn't there, their goodness would be left inert.
So, now that everything was moving towards a leap in the show, at rapid speed, Where would I stand, would I fall back to the same struggle of bearing the image of just another character in a show, that I fought so hard to rid myself of.
I really had to dig deep, answer some questions for myself, before I could give them an answer.
In the end everyone knows I did it, and fortunately, every thing that was promised to me was delivered. And, I shall remain grateful for that with my producers, writers and creatives.
But, the point, I am trying to make here is, that whenever all of us come across such situations, the first thing that strikes across our hearts and minds is the fear of what will happen, the fear of owning up to the decision that we will make. No one to blame but us.
I was very close to not doing the show post leap, because of these fears, of course I had friends and family to support me, to show me possible scenarios, to help me make up my mind, but, most importantly, I had to dig within to learn what I wanted. Things became easier. I loved playing this character, there was no reason for anyone to not deliver to the new promises, as they didn't falter in delivering the previous ones. So, what was my fear. It was the fear of taking the plunge.
It is imperative for anyone, to always know what path they are on, then, taking the plunge will become much more than that. It'll become a beautiful dive into a clear blue ocean of your future. Every little thing will fall into place.
It might be the long one you just can't see,
in the end though, it will shape the future you want to be.
For me, what was my path? Was it fame, or the craving to perform and to be honest to my commitments that I had already given regarding the show, the character, whatever the outcome may be.
After, rummaging through my insecurities, which were really superimposed on my psych, of playing to the images of what the industry demanded of me, in order to be a successful main lead, it was re affirmed, and, I am really glad that this always happens, that I had to take the path that was the truth, that didn't play to any social image. That meant, that no matter what the outcome, I had to take the path that would make it lighter for my soul, to go higher up, devoid of all materialism that we attach to our decisions.
My path became clear. All, I then had to do was to make a choice.
'IF', a passive tool,
for the hapless fool,
I've made many mistakes, and one of those mistakes has been to just stand by and let things go, because of a little reasoning called 'what if?'.
My wife has often reminded me, when I've stopped taking action, pondering over every little outcome that might be, that, 'worrying is like sitting on a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but, gets you nowhere.'
I couldn't have put it any better. We keep sitting around mulling over, what we should do that would be the perfect choice for us. We end up making our choices grey, when, I truly believe choices are always black and white.
At the curb, when you must walk the fork,
remember to brace every wicked stroke.
When one makes a choice, riddled with uncertainties of an outcome, it is the faith in your own decision that keeps you upright in your journey.
Long ago, when I was an assistant director, dreaming of making my own films one day, I had in front of me a decision I needed to make. The choice was to keep working towards the dream of becoming a film maker earning quite literally an amount that would be an equivalent of the cost of a pack of peanuts, or leave it behind me and get a well paying job to help my family out.
I'm not sure if my heart made that decision for me or my mind, but, then at that moment, I did give up my dream. It did hurt, even today, I wonder what 'if'. But, all of that is a thing of the past, in front of me is the present, and experience tells me when you take care of your present in all honesty, your future is taken care of.
I did choose a long road ahead of me, a road away from my dreams, but, when these kind of choices are made with being honest to your present moment, you will never go wrong.
It might be harsh, it might tear you apart,
But, in the end though, the right choice shall soothe your heart.
Our decisions are ours alone, and for no one else. So, we should really know what drives us, what we really want. For when we do go ahead with it, we gotta stick by it. No matter what!
'IF', it shouldn't exist,
'IF', a word, you must resist.
Need I say more!
